he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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