i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
