Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
