yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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