dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
