she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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