You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
