I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
