I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
