Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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