I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
