i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
