I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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