I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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