her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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