Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
