i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
