i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You did what with his pubic hair?
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