the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
