Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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