No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
