you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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