ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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