Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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