My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
