I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
