When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
