Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
