i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I intend to get homeless drunk
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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