so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
