Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
