I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last time i carry you out of a forest
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
