Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you win again, gameday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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