thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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