i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
