So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
