In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
