Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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