He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You made out with two different species that night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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