I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
