PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
