I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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