ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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