I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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