She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
