You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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