My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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