she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
last night I used snow as a chaser
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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