Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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