Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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