I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
