I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You're like the curious george of whores
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
